Ain't · no · sorority · sister

Rar. Today//this past week has not been good.

Let's see: I've gotten in a small car accident (really small), did just okay on my All-State audition, and somehow managed to rack up a 200 dollar bill on College Board. Great! As if the morons need any more money. Nonprofit, me arse.

I'm also mad because I am SICKSICKSICK of hearing filtered information. No more he said-she said. This is high school, darlings. We are not supposed to be playing sixth grade games.

Screw it. Je suis fini.

(This entire entry is at least partially due to the fact that I have Coffeehouse Thursday, Goucher app due Friday, and SAT II's on Saturday. Oh, and there's also a HUGE PROJECT in poli sci due Thursday that teacherman just told us about. English is the same way. RAR RAR RAR.)

In positive news: Billy Idol makes me almost illegally happy. I love "Dancing with Myself". Heck, that'd be one fun song to cover. I also want to learn how to knit, and play bass better. Hee.

Watching the Love Like Winter video by AFI is cathartic for the soul. It's so bad, it makes you cry little black goth tears.

Greetings, darlings. . . I last updated this about two months ago, when I was crying horribly about Ah, Wilderness. The play was last weekend. Bottom line: loved the cast, liked my part, didn't love the play. Oh well. I at least escaped most of the drama with this one, so that's always a good thing.

School is pretty boring this year. I thought that I'd enjoy being relaxed after a hellish junior year. The truth is that it's BAD. Even in AP English, I find myself zoning out. Keep in mind, though, that we are doing some hardcore analysis at eight in the morning. I still got an A in this class. I think that school is pretty pathetic when the only challenging class left is Honors French IV. >.< That being said, I made first honors for the first time since freshman year. I'm proud of myself, I guess. I'm never able to see things in perspective while they're happening to me, though.

In happier news: I placed third at the Maranacook speech meet in Dramatic Interpretation. I wasn't sure how I was going to do, as lots of my cohorts had flashy-glitz-Vegas pieces. Mine was the first chapter of The Lovely Bones, which is about as far from glamour as you can get. Thankfully, the judges liked me. I'm thinking about doing a second piece. . . maybe Humorous Interpretation or Original Works. Original Works would be AWESOME because then I could have control over everything! BWAHAHAHA.

I'm also in my school's one-acts. Whoo. I have a minor part (then again, there's only five parts in the play) but it will be fun. Possibly a little awkward, but only because I'm married to another one of my ex-boyfriends. Irony makes me laugh really hard. It should do well, I hope. I just hope that judges aren't all like "OMG AVANT GARDE YOU KIDS FREAKING SUCK". I have until March to worry about that though.

Also, All-State auditions were yesterday. I think I did reasonably well, with only a few issues. I even thought that I did well on my sightsinging. (It's HARD, usually.) Thankfully, my example had LOTS of quarter notes. :)

College news: In late September, I interviewed with Muhlenberg. The lady was nice, but I don't think I'll apply. In October, I visited Bard, Sarah Lawrence, and Connecticut College. I liked Bard a lot, even though most of the kids weren't there. They seem weird, but not broken. This is in stark contrast to Sarah Lawrence kids. A vast majority of the people we saw smoked. By vast majority, I mean a good 80-90%. The people looked cute and the class that I sat in on was AWESOME. Unfortunately, all of the students seemed broken. My overnight host was a transfer student, and told me that it was really hard to make friends with different groups of people. More people confirmed this. EW. God, I don't want to go to some elitist-indier-than-you-slash-my-wrists college.

Conn Coll was kind of typical, if a little preppy. However, my tour guide Alison was very cool. Her mom works with my dad, and as such, I expected the whole tour thing to be kind of eh. It wasn't, though! She introduced me to one of her friends, who was funny and outspoken and looked at nearly all the same schools that I did. I might apply just because of the cool subculture.

Ugh. College stuff is due pretty soon for Goucher, which I'm applying to as a safety. I like that they give their students MONEY to travel abroad. <3!! They also have a communications major, which makes me happy and smiley. After I feel better about sending in the Goucher stuff, which is pretty run of the mill, Bard's due. Then Smith. Then Clark. Then Alfred. Then Hampshire. RAR. Stupid 2/1 deadlines, you will make my eighteenth birthday very stressful. Rar.

Wow, that was long.

As a last note: darling college friends, don't hesitate to contact me once you are at home. I MISS YOU GUYS. You make me long for my ickle sophomore year. . . I can recount Coffeehouse/seatbelt shopping/DDR with Amanda, Crazy for You/chambers/anime with Jenn, and tubing/speech/auditioning for Crazy for you with Katie. I miss that happy time, so please call me over your college breaks respectively. <3.

My thoughts on senior year so far? Not stressful at all, but not nearly as awesome as junior year. Yeah, I'm skeptical and really depressed. Ugh.

Recap time. As most of you have heard by now, play auditions were this Thursday. And I didn't quite get what I expected. I wasn't expecting a huge part, but certainly more than just two pages of dialogue. I'm happy---and proud---of all of my friends who got really good parts, obviously, but I'm having a hard time dealing with getting a small part. I guess that's what happens after you've been given three big parts in a row---you come to expect things that you shouldn't. I talked to the director about it, and he was like, you're going to be really good at this part. Don't read into the whole 'lead' thing anymore, because I don't.

Still though, it wasn't what I was expecting. Maybe I just got extremely lucky my junior year---getting decent roles, all-state, ap exams, et cetera. Maybe my senior year will turn out to be decent too---I hope so. I can't stand many more months of this.

Another part that's bugging me---I'm lonely. People very seldom call/make plans with me and it seems like I'm always the one to plan. Sure, I'm busy, but would it kill people to call? I hope not. Maybe this just bothers me because my self-esteem is already at -1, but still. Ugh. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm standing at the top of a precipice alone with no one to help. I understand that you're all preoccupied with school/boyfriends/whatnot, but yeah. It's lonely on this here island, especially now that I'm depressed.

Work sucks too. . . my availability isn't even being listened to. Because of this, I have to go in at SIX IN THE MORNING tomorrow. And yes, it's legal. I already checked. Ugh. I just want four hours! Not eight or nine! Madness, I tell you!

Please leave some comments because I am still feeling emo. . . ugh. Wounded self-esteem SUCKS.

Man, I am such a procrastinator. I wanted this to be a neurotic write-every-day-omg-stress blog so that I could remember my senior year with accuracy, but already I'm slacking off. Ugh.

For those of you wondering, the Goucher interview went really well. (Really, how can an interview go wrong if you're interviewing with someone named Corky?) We talked about the crazy hot weather up here and about the TSA's new airline regulations. It was nothing like my Union interview at all, as it was more a casual conversation. Corky and I got along well, and he gave me some sage advice. Keep in mind that the interview was on the same day as mr. guidance counselor making me choose between my artsy-fartsy classes and more mainstream thoroughfare. Basically, with Goucher, it's okay that I'm taking it somewhat easier my senior year. It's okay that I didn't make it to calculus in high school, because that's not what I care about at all. La.

Anyway, I had my senior pictures taken today. They were taken by Denise Dupuis, and from what I've seen/heard, they're going to be amazing. I did lots of outfit changes, and posed a la America's Next Top Model. It was fun, even though the in-studio stuff got pretty old after a while. After that we shot pictures at Laurel Hill Cemetary. I'm sure that those came out better, because I had more fun. (Okay, okay, so my favorite picture was of me lying down on the grass. My mom fondly calls it my 'dead picture' and because she is too afraid of me putting something so edgy in the yearbook, she's going to make ten wallet sized prints of it. If it comes out well. Bwahaha.)

Other than that, I've been overloaded with Common App stuff/discovering my superpower of being able to find gay literature no matter where I go. :) Hold on tight, kiddies. It's going to be a wild ride.

Well, I started this blog to be a college blog. Basically, I'm going to use it to record my senior year so that I can help kids who are younger than me//have concrete proof of this hellish year. I guess that I can officially say that the college process starts today. That scares the hell out of me.
Why am I so afraid of it, you wonder? I've already been on an interview and a few campus visits. That stuff is old hat. Today, though, I received my copy of the Common Application and a bunch of tips on how to fill it out. THIS WILL ACTUALLY COUNT FOR SOMETHING. THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.
Ugh. It's stressing me out already. . . methinks I should focus on my summer reading so that I can fully tame this beast. I'll update again when I have something really witty to say//after my Goucher interview.